Tiring eyes...

[Hannibal]

There's only one way for us to handle things, and that's to cut our own skin,
To feel the blood run, and touch,
our tongues as we lick it,
Only long enough to remind us we're human,
but then there are those of us,
Who pray for death,
And wish to bring it upon ourselves,
But are far too weak, and hold far too much,
Malice and discontent in our hearts,
To do the world the favor,
It so desperately needs,
So we sleep, in our loud, overbearing minds,
And listen to it yell,
Silently killing ourself,
So as no one sees,
And hoping the world will never know,
When we left.

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As miserable as life may be I hold it pretty precious...

If I lose the light of the sun, I will write by candlelight, moonlight, no light. If I lose paper and ink, I wil write in blood on forgotten walls. I will write always, I will capture nights all over the world and bring them to you.
Word And Voice
Motocross Fanatics
General Philosophy

[Generalkaos]

Well, let's see. You've got an awful lot of commas here, and I think what you're trying to do is keep a tight rein on possible readings--you may be limiting yourself in that respect. Also, you've got a lot of "ands, ifs, buts" that could be cut out. I would suggest you go through and see how many words you can cut out while still maintaining the sense of the line. Also, you might want to give some thought to capitalization. The usual thing is to capitalize the first word of every important phrase, which sort of slaves subordinate clauses to the overall structure. Now, that's not necessarily the way you have to go about it, but you can do anything as long as you're consistent...

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Fetch me my blue fright wig, that I may be handsome when I unleash my wrath.

[rose]

whoa killa gen killed u right off the bat...jump right in there and dont hold back. ...

i liked the thought of it. the meaning of it..whos really the strong one..the one that realizes the reality of theblood or the one that can keep it all inside till the grave. but with a turn of psycho u so easily can bring out(in anything). the flow wasnt right on i will agree with gen...lots of commas...but u do what u see fit.


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